I am running for secretary at school, is my speech okay?

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Question by loljoanne: I am running for secretary at school, is my speech okay?
I am running for secretary ( student council ) with another girl and I need your advice if our speech is good so far.
Hello, my name is Jacqueline and my name is Joanne, we are in Grade 7 and running for secretary. We think you should vote for us because we are always organized, and ready to work hard. We are very dedicated, responsible, ambitious, motivated, reliable and enthusiastic. We cannot promise that if we are elected we will be allowed to chew gum or have no homework. But I can listen to what you, the students have to say, and pass it on to the faculty & we will try our hardest to help the staff and students to have a nice and memorable school year & make the school a better place.
We have loads of great, creative fun, new, ideas to bring to this school that will get you jumping out of your bed, excited wanting to come to school! Here are some.
We could have more cool fundraisers, for example school car washes. On cold winter days, there could could be hot chocolate for sell. On Valentines Day, instead of just sending lollipops to friends, there will be a bigger, better variety like chocolates, hot lips, heart candies & flowers. Near Christmas, there could be candy canes and gingerbread cookies for sell. Also, what we were thinking is that there could also be a Formal Fashion Show, where you sign up for the fashion show & show off your formal, styling outfits on stage! Lastly, there could also be the first ever spelling bee here at E.J just against students here at this school.

So yeah, that’s all we have so far. Any suggestions/comments?

Feel free to answer in the comment section below

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4 Responses to I am running for secretary at school, is my speech okay?

  1. I think it is impressive ,but you might want to change ” we are in Grade 7″ to we are in the seventh grade it just sounds more professional.Also sorry to say this but you are appealing mainly to your female gender try something that would appeal to someone whom is a male.

    Dick Weed
    March 3, 2014 at 2:39 pm

  2. Great ideas and content. I just rearranged it a bit. Hope it helps and good luck! You will be great secretaries!

    Hello, my name is Jacqueline and my name is Joanne, we are in Grade 7 and running for secretary. We are committed to working hard and serving as secretary in an organized, responsible, dependable manner. We are enthusiastic and dedicated to serving our school. What you, as fellow students, think is important to us. We will listen. We cannot promise unrealistic changes to the rules but we can promise to work on your behalf to make our school a better place.

    We have a lot of cool fund raising ideas that not only will raise money for the school but will be fun. Some of those ideas are things like selling hot chocolate on cold winter days. On holidays, like Valentines Day and Christmas, we would expand the types of treats we sell to include a larger variety of chocolates, candies, cookies, flowers. When the weather warms up car washes are always popular. Other ideas include a Formal Fashion Show to show off your own formals and stylish outfits on stage. Lastly, we could hold the first ever spelling bee here at E.J. among students at the school.

    School should fun and leave us with good memories as we look back over the year. We want to help make it that!

    March 3, 2014 at 2:55 pm

  3. Here are some suggestiongs to improve your speech. First of all your introduction is grammatically incorrect, here is an improvement ..

    “Hello, my name is Jacqueline and I would like to introduce you to my friend, Joanne. We are in Grade 7 and would like to be nominated as School Secretaries. We feel that we would be well suited to this role as we believe we are dedicated, responsible and well organised.

    As evidence of our commitment, I would like to advise our participation and achievement in the following areas …

    (You will now need to give EXAMPLES of why you are well organised and responsible. Can you provide examples of your commitment, eg are you members of other school groups like a debating team or school counsel group? You need to LIST and briefly explain what achievements you have made in your life to SUPPORT your claims of hard work and enthusiasm).

    It would be our honour to channel our hard work and enthusiasm into areas that will provide real benefits for our school. As mediators between students and the faculty, we would like to address the following issues and make the following initiatives:

    (Now you need to briefly list some of the really good ideas that you and your friend have to improve things in your school) …. for example

    * We have some great, creative and fun ideas in the areas of fundraising, such as school car washes, spelling bees etc etc

    * Our long-term goals are:

    – to enhance the morale and pride in our school in a happy, fun environment;
    – to act as understanding mediators who are prepared to listen to problems and address issues raised by our peers;
    – to do our best to represent the school student body in all our endeavours.

    (list other goals and aims)

    Thank you for your consideration.

    March 3, 2014 at 3:48 pm

  4. At the start Hello both of us are running for secretary my name is Jacqueline and my friends name is Joanne.We are both in grade 7and ask for your votes. There are many reasons you should vote for us, we are well prepared to place your views before the faculty we are enthusiastic and motivated we have many great ideas to make the coming year at our school a memorable one. We will not ask the school staff and students to agree to any project until they have been consulted about it. We have lots of great ideas that we will put to the test in this manner before committing to carry them out. A vote for us is to have a couple of young girls who will always have you our fellow pupils fun and welfare in mind.

    burning brightly
    March 3, 2014 at 4:03 pm

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